Recently, I have been doing a lot of avoiding and very little accepting. You have probably noticed that I haven’t been very active on my blog. That is because, I have been avoiding it! I have been avoiding hard conversations. I have been avoiding feelings. Did I mention I have been doing a lot of avoiding?
Since my accident I have been struggling to regain my sense of self. It seem like I don’t know myself any longer. And then recently, I started struggling with some set backs, side effects, you know what I don’t even know what to call it. I was constantly tired, I couldn’t concentrate, I was easily aggravated, and my anxiety and depression were close to getting out of control. It got to be too much and I choose to avoid it all.
I have said it before, when I fell I lost a part of myself. I identified myself as runner, a health/fitness blogger, and a mental health advocate. But after the fall, I haven’t been able to get myself to enjoy running like I did. My activity is limited due to whatever it is I am struggling with. And since my accident I have gained 50 pounds and my anxiety/depression have been bothersome. All the things I thought I was aren’t there anymore. I don’t know who I am.
In a recent therapy session it all broke loose and came flowing out. I might not be the exact person I was before my accident but some of the old Missy is still there. In fact, it was time to quit referring to myself as the old and new Missy. I have changed some for the good and maybe there is a little more changing need… But I took control that day and started down a much more positive path. I started accepting!
In taking control and accepting where I am, I made the choice to start seeing an Integrative Practitioner. I started seeing a highly recommended practitioner. And I think she is delivering! Between the two of us we created a plan that has me excited for whats to come. My provider suggested acupuncture and I am getting it once a week. I have already gone twice and I am already seeing benefits. I will also start seeing an Integrative Psychologist who focuses on trauma. She had my Vitamin D checked and found that it is extremely low and put me on supplement to bring that back to normal levels. We have also decided that it’s time to find out what activity my body can tolerate. So this week I will be seeing an exercise physiologist to create a fitness profile and a wellness coach to help me achieve my goals.
Accepting where I am and embracing it is freeing! I feel more hope and excitement for whats to come than I have in a VERY LONG TIME! I know that I am going to find me! And it will be me not the old me and not the the new me, just me.