Oh, I don’t know where to start. I could have all kinds of excuses but I am past that point. I can’t pretend any longer that it doesn’t consume me. Why am I letting a number define me?
Between several medication side effect, inactivity (medically forced), and not great food choices off and on for three months I have gained 28 pounds. I initially I thought it was 23 which didn’t seem much better, but thinking about it those extra 5 pound make a huge difference.
I want to say it’s all due to my medications because my medical team did say it was typical to gain 20-30 pounds. Or I could say it is because I went from running 25 miles a week, going to Pink Gloves twice a week, and weight training to nothing. However, I can’t because I have made some really terrible food choices over the last few months. Maybe it us just one of those things or maybe it is a combination, I just don’t know.
I have to go back to believing this!
Consuming sounds like a really strong word but it is exactly how I have been feeling. I see it each time I look in the mirror, even though I continue to hear from people that there is no way I have gained any weight. I feel it when I move or even more so when I am not moving. And clothes, I can hardly fit into anything I own. I try so hard not to let it consume me but there are reminders everywhere.
I know I should give myself a break, for goodness sake I suffered a traumatic brain injury not all that long ago. For the last three and a half months I have focused on healing and not on my waistline, which is where my energy should have been focused. I wholeheartedly believe that. However, it doesn’t make me feel much better. I have a wedding dress that I will be wearing in three short months. And thought I know I will be beautiful no matter what my weight still consumes me.
I so don’t want it to! I am not a number. And a number doesn’t define me. So why am I letting it consume me. I wish I could figure that out! I have always been someone who focuses on how I feel verses what the scale says. However, I won’t lie, I don’t feel good. I am constantly uncomfortable because either my clothes are too constricting or I can feel fat (I hate that word) in places it didn’t used to be.
Today, while in counseling I was talking to my therapist about it. I am typically a problem solver, I almost always have a solution for an issue I take to her but today I just told her I was at a loss. I had tried Weight Watchers which typically I have great success on but this time it wasn’t working. I was really following the program and I just couldn’t figure out what the problem was (at least I wasn’t gaining while following it). She made me realize so much has changed since I had originally lost weight in 2012. I am older, I am far more active (I mean way more active), and I am still healing. And then she gave me hope. She suggested I find a personal trainer who could write me a nutrition plan that takes into account all the activity I do.
I came home today feeling better than I had in a long while. It was the first time in a month that I didn’t spend the evening worrying how was I going to get 28 pounds off. In fact, I almost feel confident in the plan my therapist had laid out. I will be reaching out to a personal trainer who does nutrition plans tomorrow, hopefully she will be able to help me out or point me in the right direction. Then in July, I will be joining Farrell’s Extreme Bodyshaping (more to come on this as the time gets closer). In the meantime, I will be running, boxing, and strength training.
My choice is to give it all I’ve got.
Alright, I had to get that out! I felt I was hiding it and therefore being inauthentic. To be honest, just opening up about it both at counseling and here, has made me feel more at peace. I finally feel like my dirty little secret is out. I am not looking for sympathy, I just needed to get out. Now, I can move on! Thank you all for listening and the amazing support I know you will all provide as I work through these 28 pounds!
Getting it out is often the first step. This way you don’t have to hold it in and let it consume your thoughts (oh how our weight can consume EVERYTHING about us!!!). Have a great day and here’s to many great days on your journey ahead!
Thank you, Marsha! I hate that it is consuming! But getting it out made it so much better.
Yes, weight is just a number and it shouldn’t define you. I understand how you feel. It’s amazing how food choices can impact us so much. I know your workout regimen changed as well, but you’re still working out, just different muscles. I hope you continue to make progress in your recovery.
Thanks, Cori! Food is the most important piece when you are trying to lose weight. So, I think that is one of the reasons it was bothering me so much.
Watching what I eat and portion control is key.
Yes it is. I lost my first 60 pounds by only watching what I ate.
I love that you are doing this for you! Super inspiring! Keep going!
Thank you!
28 pounds is nothing! You got this 🙂
Very true! I have already lost 90 whats another 28. ;o)
Weight is a number, and you should not define yourself by a number, but you should also strive to maintain a healthy weight.
I love getting things out whether speaking about them or writing about them! Both are great outlets! Good luck as you work towards your goal!
I so agree! I think it makes a huge difference to be open about that is bothering someone.
For me, it’s “when i’m ready I’m ready” and anything before that just doesn’t work. Best of luck to you!
Yes, that is so true! It was definitely that way when I initially lost 90 pounds. I do have to wonder if there might be a little of that going on right now.
Healing takes a toll on us. I completely understand as I gained weight after suffering a TIA. It is way to easy to get bogged down running to and from doctor’s appointments, eating goodies friends and family bring, and not having the energy to make the right food choices. Sounds like you’ve made a plan with help from someone qualified to get you back to your goal. Smart choice.
Sound like we have the same story! That is exactly what I experienced.
My husband lost his weight within a week just by controlling what he eats. It’s a no brainer but it works. I really like the quotes, so inspiring. Best of luck to you and always believe in yourself. x
Good for you for not letting that number define you. I totally agree this should never be the case and what should be most important is that you like how you look and feel. Now that you’ve let your little secret out, you can start tackling those 28 pounds one at a time. Always remember, it’s a marathon not a sprint and the only person you need to beat is yourself.
Thank you! You are a 100% right! I am in it for the long haul.
Oh my gosh I hate those plateaus where you are doing all the right things (it sounds like you are exercising a TON) and its not having a big impact on how your body feels. I feel you! I like your therapist’s plan to call on some pros to help out:) Kick butt on your new journey!
Thank you! I like that, my new journey!
You are awesome! I love how you don’t wallow in it. I am also a doer and when there is a problem I feel better knowing I know how to get the solution! You are going to do great and those 28 pounds are going to come off before you know it!
Thank you! Yes! I love when I can solve a problem and have a plan. Once I have the plan it is pretty hard to stop me.
Yes! Been there, done that. When you let it consume you, it quickly turns into a disorder. It’s so great you took a step back and realized you are more than a number <3
I knew it could turn really ugly so I wanted to stop it before it did. I am so much more than a number, we all are!
This is so inspiring! You can so do it, I’m on WW and it’s working wonders too! It’s amazing how reaching small goals can motivate you even more 🙂
Weight Watchers is an amazing program! I lost 90 pounds while on it. And yes, those small goals are super motivating!
I love the first quote with the “I will not define myself by a number.” Powerful stuff!
Thank you!
I feel your pain. I didn’t go through a brain injury but I did find myself in a situation that caused me to stop my long distance running. I was running 45 miles a week and was lifting at the gym 3-4 times a week and had to give that up because I got sick. After 8 months I’m finally able to get back out there…15 pounds heavier and not being able to run more then 1 mile at a time. It is so hard to get out there and no give up. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve nailed down a plan. Good luck to you!!
I am so sorry you are in the same boat! It is tough but I know if you were running 45 miles a week you are pretty tough. So I can say that we will both get right back to where we were!
Yes! I learned so much about myself during my weight loss journey!
That is why my blog is named “Getting Fit to Find Myself”. I have found out so many amazing things about myself in this process.
It’s so hard not to define yourself by a number! I’m struggling with that myself because I am still a good 15 pounds over my prebaby weight. But I’ve started to change the number I define myself by- how many pushups can I do? How long can I carry my heavy toddler? That helps me feel better and see my progress without getting hung up on the scale.
Jenna, I love this! I am going to steal your way of thinking! Thank you!
I totally understand how you feel. I am a stress eater and after a couple of years of healthy eating and exercise, I packed on about 20 pounds due to the stress of quitting my job and opening my own business. It was a major blow to my self esteem and I just felt yucky. But I’ve been slowly getting back to exercising and eating well this year and I’m starting to see results – and you will, too! I also was at one of my heaviest weights when I got married because stress eating – I still felt gorgeous in my dress – and had a wonderful day. I actively decided to not worry about that one thing- my husband loves me, my family loves me, and that’s all that matters!
Thank you, Jessica! I hate saying it but you hit it on the head, I feel yucky. I knew I will get back to a place I am happy, I just have to be patient and kind to myself.
It’s always nice to have a goal, and 28 lbs sounds a lot but you know you can do it. I wish you good luck, and keep us posted.
this is how i feel lately. i’m also trying to lose weight and not worrying about it daily.
I would not upset about the extra weight 🙂
Yes! Weight is just a number! I am sure you got this, I can say that from your attitude towards this 🙂
Thank you!
You got this girlie! You can do it! 🙂
Oh, thank you!
I’m very familiar with the weight gain that some medications can cause, but you can conquer it! You can do it!
Thank you!
I had to be inactive for 2 years due to health problems and I was on medicine that made me gain weight. I am now trying to lose it all and the journey is slow but exciting.
Good luck, not that you need it! ;o)
After my 2 kids left home I started a big change on my routine, I’ve lost weight, got a job, eat healthier, do tai chi and also have added a couple of great supplements to my days. Thanks for sharing with us your experiences, I am trying to do that in my own blog too. Warm regards!