I debated whether or not I should blog about this since Justin and I get tired of fielding wedding questions. However, this blog is about my life and what is going on in it right now. So here we go, I have been wedding dress shopping!
I wanted to talk about the experience of wedding dress shopping because it was one that I have been worried about since we got engaged. I really dislike clothes shopping because it takes me back to a dark place, that place of being much larger and nothing in a store fitting me. It has been a long time since that has been the case but I still get very anxious when I go clothes shopping because I fear it will happen again. I also have an issue of seeing the girl in the dressing room mirror, instead I still see the girl that was 90 pounds heavier.
I put off dress shopping because I didn’t want to have all those feelings on a day that is supposed to be so much fun. I probably would still be putting it off it wasn’t for the fact that I saw that the designer I love was having a trunk show near me. I made an appointment and then there was a flood of emotions! The worry that there wouldn’t be anything that fit me, the worry that I would see myself in a negative way, and sadness because my mom wouldn’t be able to be there with me due to such short notice (it is an 8 hour drive between our homes). On a side note, I was really surprised how much I wanted my mom to be there to watch me try on dresses! I didn’t think it would be a big deal but it was!
Since my mom couldn’t be with me I need someone who I was really comfortable with but who would be completely honest with me. I immediately knew who I would be taking with me, my good friend Katy. She is someone who is brutally honest (something I love about her), she is down to earth, and she pays attention to what is important to her friends, but most of all she is just plain fun!
My appointment was at Posh Bridal with Kate & Katie. I explained to them my concerns and previous experiences. They assured me that they would do everything they could to make it a positive experience. I told them what I liked and disliked and then they picked out a few dresses to try on. I was nervous to be in a dressing room in my bra and underwear with some random stranger, not because I was in my bra and underwear but because I have saggy skin due to the the large amount of weight loss. I really don’t like others to see that. However, I quickly realized that didn’t matter to them.
Then it was time to try on dresses. I was pleasantly surprised when the process started. The first dress was far too big but that was a much better experience than it being too small. I didn’t love the dress but I didn’t hate the way I looked in it. I was surprised because I didn’t see that big girl in the mirror, I saw someone who was pretty! I tried on a few more dresses, one that was way too small but again I didn’t have those feelings I thought I would have. I even thought that dress was “the dress”. I could imagine how nice it would look when it fit. I didn’t focus on the bulges or how tight it was across my hips. I saw what it could be, that was new for me!
This was a totally different experience then I thought it would be! I felt pretty, thin, and just plain good about myself. I really thought it would be the opposite, I thought I would see the old me with all my imperfections. But I didn’t, I saw the real me in the mirror. I left that appointment feel positive about the process and myself! Some of that had to do with Kate, Katie, and Katy (how weird is that!) and some it had to do with the fact that I am really moving forward in how I see myself!
In case you were wondering, I am pretty sure I found my dress that day! I put one dress on that made me feel amazing! I actually got choked up! I felt amazingly beautiful, I have never felt that way before! I am so proud of myself for how far I have come! I love that I am changing my mindset!
UPDATE 11/27/2015: Today I purchased that dress that made me feel so amazing! I went back in to try it on with my mom and I knew before I even put it on that it was the dress for me. Then I put it on and I had every emotion in the book. I can’t wait for my wedding day!