I am lost… I have been search and I just can’t find myself.
I just cannot figure out what my problem is. My motivation is gone. And it is gone on all fronts, eating healthy and working out. Each time I get a little bit of momentum there is another set back, medication, headaches, dizziness, and now a tonsillectomy.
I feel like I am back at the beginning of my journey, in fact, I feel like I am back to before the beginning of my journey. I am at the point where I am very unhappy but I just can’t make the change.
For four years, I had it all under control and now I feel like I am spinning out of control. I know that this year year has been a tough one and I should cut myself some slack. I sustained a traumatic brain injury in February I have every right to be taking things slow. However, I don’t like where I am. I have put on 35 pounds and gone up two pant sizes. My release, running, isn’t fun anymore. In fact, it is a chore. None of it is a feel good.
I am tired of using my TBI as an excuse yet, I can’t regain focus. I know I am scared. It is going to be a long hard journey back to where I was and I want so badly just to be there. I don’t know that I am ready to put the effort in to get back to that place. It isn’t that I don’t want to, it’s that every thing is so much more effort these days. I have to think twice as hard to have a conversation. Work is so mentally exhausting I don’t have any energy to do anything when I get home. And I know that when I commit to getting back to me, it is only going to be that much more exhausting.
However, I know deep down that the exhaustion will be worth it. In fact, maybe it is the solution. Maybe I need this outlet and if I just get started I will feel better.
So, I am going to take the time while I recover from my tonsillectomy (I have surgery on Thursday and have to take it easy for 10-14 days) to put a game plan in motion. I am out of excuses, I am going to find me come hell or high water! I am going to get back to the healthy, active person I love being!
I am lost but not for much longer! It’s upward and onward!
Have you been in a health and fitness funk? How did you move on?